Lectures on Marxism 3 - The Glory of the Lard, by Mark Hossfeld

Lecture on Marxism 3 – The Glory of the Lard.

I was sitting beside my bed-ridden grandmother not long before she died when we got to talking about lard.

For her beautiful, flaky biscuits she preferred the lard from Regyptus County , Mississippi , where even the livestock was virtuous.

The humans of that county were famous for a profound act of Christian charity: they had shaved off the horns of grateful Jews so the poor heathens could wear bigger hats.

Regyptus lard was used as a salve for aching horn stubs.

When she was thirteen she got work as a yolk spooner at a biscuit factory in Vicksburg , where she learned the lubricatory secrets of lard, for which she credited her landing a husband.

I asked her to entrust these secrets to me, but she took up the question of flour and the grind thereof, gave out on me and passed on.

When I entered my late middle age I started to think on death, politics and biscuits.

All I had left of my grandmother was a wooden spoon by which I mastered yolks.

Even though I lack all vibration in my dangling lobes, I listened for rumors of a certain lard.

I recalled my grandmother believed there was one particular lard that should be universally despised and yet was coveted.

It came from Clitchen County , she said, not far from Dripping Nipple.

The men there preferred to marry animals and were dying out because what offspring they had were helpless, bleating monsters.

Needless to say, the lard from there was spunky, the men having made mistresses of the boars, fucking, slaughtering and selling the remains of all they had not married.



-Mark Hossfeld